The Main Thing
The most important element in any relationship, especially in a marriage, is that of forgiveness. Because we are human we always want things to go “our way.” That means sooner or later the other person is not going to do things the way we want them to and as a result we get hurt or disappointed or angry or some other unpleasant emotion. When this occurs, we must forgive them for the relationship to continue and to grow.
Some might say that the most important element is love, but you see, forgiveness is a basic part of love. You cannot have real love without forgiveness. Forgiveness is NOT a natural human reaction, revenge is. Forgiveness is a divine gift from God and is exemplified in His love for us by coming to earth in human form and dying for us.
One of God’s purposes for your spouse in the marriage is to teach you how to really love and a big part of that is practicing forgiveness. Your spouse is in your marriage to knock your rough edges off and every time he/she knocks one off, it hurts. I am NOT talking about physical or emotional abuse here, God did not intend for there to be physical or emotional abuse in marriage, in fact He desires just the opposite.
Forgiveness is necessary for one’s peace of mind. If someone hurts us and we do not forgive them then every time we see them or something reminds us of the incident, we have some negative emotion. A few years ago my wife and I were in Washington, D.C. attending a conference. We had the TV on and saw a reporter interviewing a woman who a few weeks earlier been raped, stabbed and left for dead. The reported asked her how she felt about the man who had done all this to her and she replied, “I have forgiven him.” The reporter reacted with shock and amazement and asked, “How could you forgive him after what all he did to you?” She answered, ”I had to give him one day of my life, I did not have to give him the rest of my life.” She desired peace of mind and could only get it through forgiveness of the one who hurt her.
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